Adventures in Zephux

     The device in my head that I have chosen to call my “Reality Controller” is on the fritz. Meaning my reality shifts from one thing to another frequently causing excessive lapses in judgment and a lot of confusion. What am I talking about? I can’t make decisions. I don’t know what I want out of life. One minute I’m sure that I want one thing, then the next minute I’m completely sure that I want something entirely different. It doesn’t make a lot of sense at all. Me and my girlfriend (of only about 6 weeks) have been having a lot of problems. I know, it is way too early in that relationship to be doing that, but none the less, we are. We almost broke up over the weekend, a couple of times actually. However, all of a sudden Sunday, after spending a day talking about what we needed to do, we had one of our best days ever. Which confuses me even more. Now, when I was so sure that we were finished, I kinda want to keep her. It’s a messy situation. It doesn’t stop there though, that’s just my relationship story.

It is appearing in other aspects of my life as well. I find myself unable to make any real life altering decisions. I never know what I really want. I can’t even decide my to use as my primary operating system. I’m currently using Fedora, which is working well, but there are some kinks. I kind of want to switch back to Windows, but only when Fedora does something that pisses me off. Im checking out Ubuntu right now, and I also installed ReactOS (just to see how it was progressing really, don’t intend to use it any time soon). I can’t decide which is for me. It’s still the server I’m messing with, so I really want to go with a Linux kernel, Fedora is my long time favorite, but Ubuntu looks so appealing. And I’m still considering going the Arch route and just setting everything up myself. Ugh, I’ll get there eventually.

All of these decisions, from small to big, effect my life and I can’t decide what I want. Is it normal to not know what you want? I mean, shouldn’t I know what is best, and what I want to do for the rest of my life, and where I want to be? See… my reality controller is definitely busted. So, if you find a replacement lying around. Let me know please. In the mean time, I’m playing with Qemu trying to get some virtual machines up so I can just play with whatever distributions I want. Should be nice. (Also, jumping off the balcony seems good )